Head Off Family Fights in Advance: 8 Smart Estate Planning Moves for Deed Holders

No doubt you’ve experienced it, or more than a few of your friends have. Parents pass on, and then the adult children aren’t speaking.

It can happen in any family. Well, you might think, I won’t have to deal with such matters once I’m gone. True. But your heirs (called “beneficiaries” if you use a will or a transfer on death deed) will be here and you can give them a great gift. Plan in a way that derails disagreements before they ever begin.

Here are eight planning ideas to help maintain family harmony after you’re gone.

1. Be Crystal Clear (Repeat).

Use your will and other documents to speak to potential concerns. Precise wording in your estate documents makes your intentions clear. And expressing clear intentions makes it much less likely that your beneficiaries will question the distribution of property.

An unclear will leads to disputes when you’re no longer around to clarify. So be clear now. Repeat and flesh out your desires if there’s any way to misunderstand them. Repeat them verbally to your beneficiaries at various times throughout your life and theirs.

2. Be Fair (Explain Your Decisions).

Even when it makes sense in your heirs’ situation, be careful with unequal distributions of property among your children. Deciding to leave the home to a particular adult child? Communicate your intentions. Repeat.

Or just don’t do it. You are perfectly free to leave instructions that the home is to be sold and the proceeds divided among your beneficiaries. Have a talk with the beneficiaries now, to get a buy-in for what you are planning.

Which leads us to how important it is to…

3. Communicate (Repeat).

Even if parents have sensible reasons for giving one child more than another (which is perfectly OK), resentment can surface among siblings after their parents are gone. Especially if there’s little or no solid explanation for the way your property is passed on.

This is one reason family meetings matter so much.

Get the family together and explain what led to specific decisions. This will impress upon your beneficiaries that thought went into your will. Hash out concerns now. It can save family ties later.

4. Consult an Estate Planning Attorney (Make a Plan).

Deed holders should seek a full understanding of available options given their own circumstances. An attorney can offer guidance—plus support for updating an estate plan later.

On that note, heirs don’t do well with surprises. An added beneficiary? A change in your plan? A late decision to give to charity? These kinds of things can unsettle surviving family members. To make sure your loved ones know what’s coming, and are prepared to handle their inheritances, a good lawyer can be a major help.

A lawyer can tell you if a trust is a good option. A home in a trust bypasses the county probate court. Trusts can be designed to shield inherited property from third parties’ claims, or to protect minors’ inheritances.

5. Pick the Right Rep (and Rest Easy).

Someone will be the personal representative for your estate. To head off family battles, pick a person who will be regarded as fair, trustworthy, and financially astute.

You could hire a lawyer or a professional executor—from a bank and trust company, for example, or an estate planning law firm. Professional oversight can ensure that the property is distributed according to plan. This strategy can ensure that cool heads prevail at an emotionally charged time.  

Name a successor in case your first choice isn’t ready, willing, and able when the time comes.

6. Name Your Stepchildren (If They’re Beneficiaries). 

Stepchildren aren’t automatically legal heirs. So, name them specifically in your will as beneficiaries. Are you married, with kids from a prior relationship? This gets complicated, so consider asking an attorney about the way a trust could guard your best laid plans.

Often, arguments in blended families involve will or trusts that weren’t brought up to date after the family structure changed. Which brings us to how crucial it is to…

7. Keep It Up (to Date).

New family members, divorces, deaths, new homes, and so forth are all reasons to update your plan. You might not have to undertake a complete do-over. A codicil is a written amendment to an existing will that spares you the need to revoke your will.

Destroy old wills and give your beneficiaries and representative the new versions.

Probate is the “proving” of your will in court after you pass on. Homeownership that passes through a will goes to the chosen beneficiary by way of an executor’s deed.

8. Put It in Writing (and in Your Own Voice).

A will or a trust is hard to overturn—but challenges do happen. Challengers might say someone put pressure on you, or that you weren’t of sound mind, or that the will wasn’t properly created and notarized. Consider recording the signing if your capacity, free will, or clear intent could later be questioned.

Personal messages explaining your decisions can become strong support for legal documents. Most states allow you to refer in your will to a signed personal property memorandum that says who should receive specific personal belongings.

Our Relationships Matter More Than Our Homes. Mindful Estate Planning Matters.

Receiving your property is an honor for your beneficiaries. Often, it’s a lifeline. And yet family relationships are important lifelines too—at least as important as a deed. Taking proactive steps while you’re thinking about it can create a safe, sound pathway for the ones you love.

Important note: The guidelines above are not legal advice. Every deed holder and every family is in a unique situation, and family law varies from state to state. We recommend sitting down with an experienced family or estate planning lawyer for situation-specific guidance.